Casual dating versus relationship
No big deal if you aren’t, I just want to be on the same page because that’s what I’m looking for.” And then if you crazy kids continue to engage in unattached sexcapades, set more specific rules from there, and accept that it won’t be the last time you talk about them. Prolonged proximity leads to intimacy, whether you like it or not.
If you hang out with someone long enough, you become friends, and then you’re friends who are regularly sleeping together and spending the subsequent day together, and then bam!
Even though you’ll inevitably end up staying elsewhere from time-to-time, casualness is something that you should exude through your attitude, not your apartment’s cleanliness level, so best to just be prepared. Own at least as many pillows as there are sex participants. Buy 17 different kinds so you can switch it up every night! If you’re having casual sex, accept that condoms will always be part of that equation.
The amenities don’t need to be expensive or luxurious—you’re not opening a spa—but you definitely want your guests to feel comfortable. Casual sex, like a delicate mousse, is deceptively complex to get right, easily ruined by over-mixing, and—most importantly—best enjoyed when it’s light and fluffy.
Most hookups don’t start with someone coming up to another person and asking, “Would you be down to have some sex tonight with no expectations for the future and no commitment whatsoever?
I’m thinking we do it for about 4-6 months and let slowly let it taper out as we find other people that we’re actually into.” That’s not to discourage you from being open or direct, but to warn you of what casual sex requires.
Casual sex, of course, can suffer from its newness or lack of intimacy on occasion—we all have lackluster one night stand stories. In the same way that it’s fun to stay in a hotel, even if you have no desire to live there, there’s something inherently sexy about getting down and dirty with a new person.
You’re unafraid to say “one inch to the left.” But sex with the same person, with whom you currently have a minor standoff going over who’s going to call the landlord about the water spot in the ceiling in the kitchen, can also become rote in a way casual sex cannot.
The of one-time sex is that it requires so little of us.
The point is, this isn’t the time nor the place for conversations about how you’re coping with your dad’s new girlfriend post your mom’s abrupt move to Barbados.
Casual hookups can be militantly Sex-Only, or they can involve a drink or two at a nice bar with some Michelob Light-grade conversation. Now, this isn’t an invitation to be boring or taciturn, it’s just a plea for you to keep it easy-breezy. Or, more likely, one person gearing up to want more than casual sex.
You may need to navigate weird situations like what role you play at their birthday. You two aren’t dating, you don’t get a say on what they do or what they wear or who else they have relationships with. Don’t start going the extra mile by offering to pick up their parents from the airport, which sets up a dynamic that once again replicates dating.
Part of the agreement is that things are so casual, a lot of communication is done with broad strokes and surface-level emotions, rather than long, sit-down, emotional conversations. (I mean, you don’t get a say on what your partner wears when you’re dating, either). Just be cool, put in a moderate amount of effort, and have fun.